Monday, November 7, 2011

DAY NINE: Football is weird

Aaron is flabbergasted.

There is a lot that I do not understand about football, apparently. I never thought Tim Tebow was a good player, he has led the Broncos to two wins in their last three games. I thought the 49ers would stink this year, they are 7-1and have the second best record in the NFL. I, along with everyone in the entire country, thought that LSU-Alabama would be a great game, it was not. Do not try to tell me it was a great defensive battle and that is what makes it great. That is just another way of saying "It was a really boring game, and it was a really close game." Just because a game is decided by three points in overtime does not mean it was entertaining.

While the game was close, it was also boring, and I do not understand why it had to be that way. Both coaching staffs knew the strength of the other team: defense. So how could the offensive coordinators be so lame? In basketball, when you are set to face a great defensive team, you spend more time on offense. The same goes for just about every sport. I have a hard time believing that the defenses in the LSU-Alabama game could put a stop to every type of play a coordinator could draw up.

Better question: How could Alabama's field goal kicking be so lame? I think all field goal kickers at all levels should be close to automatic.

When a quarterback is at practice he runs through passing drills, communicates with his receivers, running backs, and offensive line, and does conditioning. On the other side of the ball, a linebacker may go through tackling drills, pass coverage drills, communicate with his fellow linebackers, defensive linemen, and defensive backs.

 At practice, a kicker kicks, and that is it. He may practice extra points, 25-yard field goals, 40-yard field goals, whatever. Other than the length and lateral positioning of the practice field goals, the kicker does nothing else. He doesn't even have to condition. He can be a total fatass. Like Sebastian Janikowski. That lardass never leaves the kitchen!! He is 6'2" and 250 lbs. and has had a job as the Oakland Raiders kicker for years:

Look at that gut!!
I don't mean to offend the females of the world, but there is a reason that the position of kicker is the only one that has ever been played by a female. It proves that gender, age, ethnicity, and stature are all irrelevant for a kicker. One thing matters: Can you put this ball between those two posts?

Alabama's kickers were 2-6 on field goals in that game. 3-6 wins the game and possibly a national championship.

2-6 might be good enough to bat clean-up for the Mariners, but it is unacceptable for the kicker of the previously second-ranked college football team. Cade Foster (1-4) and Jeremy Shelley (1-2) are the collective goose.

Neither one of them performed on Saturday night, and Alabama lost without them. If Nick Saban could ever alter the pitch or volume of his voice, he would sing this to his kickers:



I do not understand football. I want my NBA back.

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