Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts.


What's good y'all, this is the King broadcasting live from somewhere over North Carolina. I, I mean we, just finished off the Knicks to win the series. It was tough, they are a great team. Just kidding, they are pretty bad. Carmelo is the only player on their team that myself respects but I only respect him because he married a girl named Lala which is like the easiest thing ever to spell. L-a-l-a. Just think of where the Lakers play, and say it twice. So simple. My girl's name is Savannah which is super hard to spell, yo. Like is there two N's? Two V's? Do you pronounce the H? The dude at Starbucks spelled it J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R (is that how you spell it? I'll have Shane check) and he gave her an apple cider instead of the chai tea that she had ordered. What an idiot. Some people, man. 


The series was good though. All of our games were on national TV. I don't know why they waited until the playoffs to start showing every one of our games on national. Do they not know that everybody wants to watch what I do all the time? They better do some research on their audience because everyone that I talk to (myself, every guy on the team except Chris, and my wife Jennifer [I think the guy at Starbucks actually had it right]) says that they love me and can't get enough of me. So ESPN and TNT, give the people (myself included) what they want... ME!!


A lot of people might be wondering why I am on a plane heading back to New York right now. To those people, I say, "Thanks for thinking about me. I was just doing the same thing." The reason is, even though we won't have to play the Knicks in New York again, I wanted to go back there to this restaurant that is only located in the New York area. I won't give away the name of the place (it has something to do with a nickname of mine) but they have the best burgers and fries, yo. Ok, I'll be a nice guy and tell you the name of the restaurant. It's 'Burger King' and man is it bomb!! Next time you are in the New York area, make sure you hit it up.


Don't want to forget to give a shout out to Joel "Hot Poutine" Anthony for transcribing all of this. The pilot just said that we are going to land soon but I told him to shut up and focus on flying the plane so I have more time to write this diary. I better go though because I still have to change clothes and bite every single one of my nails (including toes) before we get off of the plane. 


Can't wait for our next series against the India Pacers!!


-King

Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts:


Sup fam. King here. We just lost a tough one to Boston 78-66. D, Chris, and myself all sat out. D has a booboo on his finger, Chris sat out because of a death in the family even though I was like 'Dude, the dinosaurs died like hundreds of years ago!!' I said that because I think he looks like a dinosaur. The background on my iPhone is a picture of myself, but I have this app that lets you take pictures of someone and then it changes the picture to make them look like a dinosaur but every time I snap a pic of Chris, it doesn't change the picture at all because it thinks he already looks like a dinosaur! LOL, that's funny man. Way to go Steve Jobs, great app, great phone.


And myself sat out of the game because I have always wanted to sit and watch some guys play against each other then give a thumbs up or thumbs down like a Roman emperor. I definitely would have given us a thumbs down tonight but it's not fair to judge them because myself wasn't playing. If myself had played then it would have been a definite thumbs up. You don't even know but I'm giving myself a thumbs up right now just for saying all this cool stuff. Another big time shouts out to Joel "The Montreal Monster" Anthony for transcribing all of this.


Back to the game... We only scored 66 points but there are some positives. For one, I got a high score in Angry Birds three times in the first half! Another cool thing was that my former teammate Sasha Pavlovic scored 16 points. After the game I said to him "Man, why didn't you ever do that when we was in Cleveland!?" He was all like "Do you even know my name?" And myself was like "Whatever, dude, this is a basketball game, not a pop quiz." Some people, yo. I was all happy for a little because I finally got to do the Roman emperor thing but that really brought me down. 


To make things worse I saw Gabrielle outside of the locker room after the game. We had this exchange:


Me: "What are you doing here?"
Her: "Waiting for D, what do you think I am doing here?"
Me: "Being stupid." (By the way, I thought this was a hella funny thing to say)
Her: "Whatever. Is Dwyane coming out soon?"
Me: "I hope he does..."
Her: "What did you just say?"
Me: "Nothing... Hey myself can give him a ride home tonight. It's probably easier for everyone if he just crashes at my place tonight."
Her: "D and I have dinner plans so I think he will come with me."


At that point I was getting real sick of her so I hopped on the back of Haslem so he could give myself a piggy-back ride to my car. I checked my texts on the ride there. D texted me like 17 times during the game. LOL. Chris texted me too. Like three times. Delete, delete, delete!! I text D back and tell him to make Gabrielle pay for dinner. He texts back: "Aight." I text back: "Cool."


I finally get to my car and put in my favorite CD. It is a mix I put together of my favorite Coldplay songs. I respect Coldplay so much because he is from London but plays so many different instruments and is successful here in America where we eat different foods and speak a different language. Mad props to him.


Myself gets home and the Coldplay has got me feeling sad again. I get into bed and D texts me "Gabrielle just spilled alfredo on her black dress! LOL" I write back "I'm surprised it missed her big mouth! LOL!! Love you, yo." But myself deletes the last part before I send it because I don't want Gabrielle to look at D's phone and think that I was referring to her. 


I look at our team stats for the season and see that myself still leads the team in, like, EVERYTHING so that makes me happy and now I can fall asleep.


--King

Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts:


What up y'all. King here. Well, sort of. Guess this would be a good time to give shouts out to Joel "Canadian Chocolate" Anthony for transcribing everything I say. I have him do it because I don't know how to use a real keyboard. The only kind of typing I do is on my iPhone but D-Wade texts me so much I can't finish a sentence without getting interrupted by one of his stupid "Forward this to 10 people or the ghost of Marlon Brando will make you an offer you can't refuse!!" kind of texts. I text him back saying "Marlon is still alive, yo. That was just in the movie that he died you dummy!! LOL! --LBJ".

Damn he just texted me again. Wants to know if I want to go see "Think Like A Man" with him this weekend. I say yes because I believe that everybody on the Earth could learn something by putting themselves in another person's shoes and that would make the world a better place. This movie could change the world, yo.

After doing a little research, I mean, having Shane Google the movie, it turns out that it is a comedy with Kevin Hart (hands down the best stand-up comedian of all-time!!) and some guy that looks like a skinny Turtle from Entourage. Man if that actually is Turtle, I wonder what diet he went on. Eddy Curry's fat ass needs to go on a diet. Big Ed keeps telling me that he actually is on the South Beach diet but I don't see him losing any weight. He says "Dude, I live in South Beach. That means I'm on the South Beach diet." I try to tell him that it doesn't work like that (which I am not totally positive of either. Does it work like that? Like if you move to a city and the city is named 'Atkins' does that mean you are on the Atkins diet because you only eat food from a place called 'Atkins'? I'll have to have Shane Google this) but then he tells me that he has been trying really hard to lose weight but can't because of his genetics. His last name is Curry so I guess that makes sense. Good point, Big Ed.

I'll meet up with D later to go see the movie but I hope he doesn't bring Gabrielle with. Ugh, dude, I hate her! She always gets all awkward when D and I share a popcorn and use the same straw for the soda. I wish it could be just me and D, just like how we run our offense.

Now that I think about it, I don't like going to movies with D either. We can never decide on the same kind of candy. I like M&M's because the letters in M&M's, M and M, remind me of the two most important things in life: me and myself.

D always gets a box of Buncha Crunch and every time he eats one says "It's Crunch Time, baby!!" right in my ear. Damn do I hate crunch time. I mean, only when D says it to me. Crunch time of games I'm cool with. We're good. Yeah... We're good.


--King

DAY FORTY-SIX: Heard outside of a gay bar- "Yeah, I overdosed... I overdosed on DANCING"

A few days ago Chris Paul, the best point guard of our generation, was traded to the Los Angeles Lakers. Roughly five hours later David Stern vetoed the trade. It was one of the most dumbfounding things that has ever happened in professional sports and damaged the NBA's already diminished credibility.

The next day there was talks of Chris Paul potentially being traded to the Los Angeles Clippers. I was up at two in the morning and the L.A. Times reported that a trade sending Chris Paul to L.A. for Al-Farouq Aminu, Chris Kaman, Eric Bledsoe, and Minnesota's first round pick was imminent. That trade would have given the New Orleans Hornets a starting center (Kaman, who was an all-star not too long ago and is still just 29 years old), a starting forward (Aminu, a talented 21 year-old who was the eighth overall pick in 2010), a starting point guard (Bledsoe, another talented player who was the 18th overall pick in the same draft as Aminu), and a potential top-five pick in a loaded draft. Assuming the Hornets use that top-five pick on someone with the potential to be a franchise player (say, Jeremy Lamb, Harrison Barnes, or Terrence Ross) then the trade would net them four future starters in exchange for a point guard who is as good as they get but has an injured knee that has led to a decrease in every statistic imperative to point guard play.

But the Hornets NBA said that offer was not enough, so now we are stuck reading familiar headlines like "Sources: Clips in Paul Talks" instead of ones like "Blake Griffin jumps over a car out of joy after hearing of Paul to Clippers trade" if the trade had actually gone through. It still may happen, but my sources say that an anonymous source told someone close to the situation that an unknown source has said that sources say it will not happen.


All of that craziness probably caused you to miss other things relevant to the world of basketball, like:

• Shane Battier signing with the Heat in the most professional way possible. On December 7th he Tweeted "Hmmm, I may have some interesting news tomorrow. But I need a full nights sleep first..........good night!" to build some excitement for the news. The next day he had a series of tweets that read "The Lockout gave me a lots of time to consider what was important to me at this stage of my life and career. Over the last week, I've played out every scenario in my head over and over. It always came back to one thing for me: a winning role. I am appreciative of all the kind words and recruiting pitches over the last week, thank you!! This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and take my chances "Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season." Down. In. MIAMI!!! Let's Go #Heat!!!!!" Can it be done any better than that? He didn't break any hearts, gave a great reason for leaving the Grizzlies,  and he referenced Jimmy Buffett!! I bet the people in Memphis are wishing Shane the best of luck, rather than burning his jersey like Cleveland fans did when LeBron took his talents South.
• The Lakers traded Lamar Odom for practically nothing to the team that whooped them in the playoffs last year. Now they are left with an old Kobe, a disgruntled Pau, and I just read a report that Andrew Bynum sprained his knee while taking a shot of Patron. I will have more on the Lakers in the coming days.
• The main reason for the lockout was because owners overpaid too many players. Since the new CBA was signed, Kwame Brown signed with Golden State for $7 million. Caron Butler, who is coming off a serious knee injury and is 31 years old, signed with the Clippers for 3 years and $24 million. And J.J. Barea signed with the Timberwolves for $19 million over four years which would be good if A. Barea was not a backup point guard, or B. the Timberwolves had a roster that consisted of more than four point guards, seven small forwards, and Kevin Love.
• Blake Griffin went to the beach: 

• I put money on 18:1 odds that the Clippers will win more games than the Lakers this year.
• A lot of people were thinking "This Chris Paul debacle is unnatural, I wish the NBA could have had some time to discuss and figure out a way to prevent things like this from happening... Oh, wait, what?"

This says it all:

DAY THIRTY-EIGHT: The Orlando Magic and New Orleans Hornets are now single.

I count nine elite NBA players. Each of them guarantees a team at least 48-50 wins and gives them a good chance to make a deep playoff run. LeBron, Chris Paul, Dwyane Wade, Dwight Howard, Kevin Durant, Carmelo, Derrick Rose, Dirk, Kobe--and that is not in order of caliber, but if it was LeBron would still be first and Kobe would still be last. The middle seven are a toss-up.

None of these guys could win a championship on their own. Of the players above, the one that won a championship as the team's star with the weakest roster around him is surprising--it's Dirk. Wade won with Shaq. Kobe won with Shaq and then Gasol. Dirk won with his best teammate being, umm, Jason Terry? A 38 year-old Jason Kidd? An shorter than six-foot white point guard J.J. Barea?

Before he elevated his game this year you could count on the Mavs winning about 50 games every year. Same thing when LeBron reached his prime in Cleveland. Carmelo did the same in Denver. Same goes for Paul, Durant, Rose, and Howard. The only ones that have had a losing season are Wade and Kobe. In 07-08 Wade and Shaq played 82 games... combined. And the team used Stephane Lasme, Luke Jackson, and Kasib Powell as starters a few times. They finished 15-67 and gave basketball a great "sign that your team is not doing well." The answer: you are starting a guy named Stephane.

In his first year post-Shaq, the Lakers went 34-48 and Kobe had the worst year of his career. He shot 43.3% on field goals--worst ever for him excluding when he was teenager. And he averaged a career high in turnovers per game with 4.1.

But aside from Miami in '08 and the Lakeshow in '05, if your team has one of these nine players then you are at the least competing for an 8-seed and at most competing for a ring. That is pretty good considering some of the teammates of LeBron in Cleveland, Dwight in Orlando, and Paul in New Orleans. These guys made Mo Williams, Jameer Nelson, and David West all-stars just by playing with them.

Pair any of these guys with a fellow superstar and you are competing for a championship. Two of them played for a new team last year (LeBron and Carmelo) and two will this year; Paul, the league's best point guard, and Howard, the league's best center.

I would bet Paul goes to the Clippers because they can offer the Hornets the best players in return, some combination of Chris Kaman, Eric Bledsoe, Eric Gordon, Al Farouq-Aminu, and Minnesota's first round pick which is a potential top-five pick in a loaded draft. That would allow Paul and Blake Griffin to set the record for most alley-oops in a game (my prediction: 17) and a season (my prediction: 984) and would make me feel like a fool if I do not find someone willing to bet me before the trade happens that the Clippers will win more games than the Lakers this year.

The scariest thing that I heard all day was that the Lakers are interested in acquiring both Paul and Dwight. They won't, but their front office does not mess around. If Paul goes to the other Los Angeles team, there is no way the Lakers could let the trade deadline pass while trailing the Clippers in publicity. The Lakers have players that Orlando may want that they do not.

"Gasol, Bynum, Odom-- pick any of those two, and we throw in two-first round picks. In return, we take Dwight and either Arenas or Turkoglu-- your choice." That is the offer L.A. makes and that is a better deal for Orlando than the current highest bid from New Jersey: Brook Lopez and two first-round picks.

That is what I think will happen, but sources say that league sources have told anonymous sources that unnamed sources have said that I could easily be wrong, sources have reported.

Orlando has to get rid of Howard because he would leave after this season and they would rather trade him than let him go to free agency. The Hornets are owned by the league and are looking for a buyer (Steve Ballmer, I would do anything for you if you made this happen, and when I say anything, I mean anything) and they must decide what kind of team potential buyers would prefer to invest in. If they do not trade Paul, there will be uncertainty with the stability of the organization and trade rumors flying around like banshees. But if they do trade him the team will likely be without a marketable, young superstar.

Either way I believe both Dwight Howard and Chris Paul are long gone:

DAY THIRTY-FOUR: TEEEEEEEEBOOOOOOOWWW

The Denver Nuggets need to have a talk with God. They currently have seven players under contract. Which is weird because it seemed like they got at least seven players in the Carmelo trade last year. 

Three important players, Kenyon Martin, J.R. Smith, and Wilson Chandler, signed contracts in China thinking that there would not be an NBA season. Their contracts do not have opt-out clauses so they are left with two choices now: stay in China for the length of the contract, play, and get paid, or stay in China for the length of the contract, not play, and not get paid. 

They still have Danilo Gallinari though, and I think he will have a great year. Especially since J.R. Smith is not on the team and taking 38 shots per game, I think Gallinari could score 20-23 points per. He could be the next Dirk.

The real reason they need to have a talk with God is because that seems to be the best way to win in Denver. Tim Tebow is completing 45.5% of his passes this season, five Nuggets players had a higher field goal percentage than that last year. But Timmy is a winner, as evidenced by his winning of games. 

I do not like Tim Tebow, but give credit where credit is due. He is 5-1 as a starter. The only quarterback with a better record is Aaron Rodgers. General managers in all sports desire players that will help the team win games. Dwight Howard does it by rebounding and blocking shots. Lionel Messi does it by scoring goals. Albert Pujols does it by hitting home-runs. I have no idea how Tim Tebow does it, but he does it. First, Tebow haters said "He can't play." Then they said "He can't win the division." Now they say "He can't win a championship."When the knock on a player is most people kinda sorta think that said player can do everything except win a championship, he must be pretty good. I do not think he will win a Super Bowl, but the goal is to win and he does that better than almost anyone.

Forget re-signing Nene and Arron Afllalo, the Nuggets should sign TEEEEEEEEBOOOOOOOWWW.

DAY THIRTY-THREE: RONDOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Since there actually will be an NBA season this year, we have decided to preview every NBA team except the Kings, Raptors, Cavs, Pistons, and Bobcats because all of those teams suck and are not interesting either. Actually, we may get to them eventually but the plan is to profile a team a day until Christmas which leaves us with 30 teams in 25 days so some teams may get left out. I apologize to Jimmer, Michael Jordan (really, Mike, I am sorry. Please don't hurt me.), and Canada. 

Today, the Boston Celtics:

When the Celtics won the finals after trading for Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen, the one question mark in their starting lineup was at point guard. It is the most important position in basketball. Rajon Rondo was in his second year in the NBA and turned out to be just good enough to help the Celtics win a championship. 

Paul Pierce, Allen, and Garnett have since gotten older, slower, less durable, and in KG's case, crazier. Rondo, who was once thought of as a weak spot, is now the best player on the Celtics. He is a triple-double threat and occasionally puts up one of those crazy stat lines like 5 points, 17 assists, and 12 rebounds. 

Since the playoffs ended last season, Rondo has been involved in trade talk with the Zombie Sonics (the potential trade had Rondo and Jeff Green going to OKC for Russell Westbrook and Kendrick Perkins) and the Hornets (Rondo for Chris Paul) but remains a Celtic. They tried to trade him, were unable to, and now they say that they love him and will not trade him. 

If a Rondo for Paul trade happened, the Celtics would make a serious run at a championship. But CP3 has said that he wouldn't sign an extension with the Celtics and that would leave the team without Rondo or Chris Paul, and a bunch of old guys that are past their prime. 

The best possible outcome for Boston this year is if Rondo's arm heals from the gruesome dislocation he had against the Heat last year and he somehow learns to shoot a jumpshot. It would be like the exact same thing that happened in the movie "Rookie Of The Year."

The worst thing that could happen to the Celtics is Rondo grows tired of their front office treating him like poop. They traded away his best friend (Kendrick Perkins) last year and this year they are shopping their boy around like Cam Newton's father did. Kevin Garnett could be officially diagnosed as insane after he murders Zaza Pachulia. Ray Allen could sign on to do another Spike Lee movie in which shooting begins during the first round of the playoffs when the Knicks play the Celtics. And if the Celtics are playing that poorly, Doc Rivers will start to throw games in order to get the number one overall pick to draft his son, Austin.

This season will be the fourth time gunning another title: