Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts.
What's good y'all, this is the King broadcasting live from somewhere over North Carolina. I, I mean we, just finished off the Knicks to win the series. It was tough, they are a great team. Just kidding, they are pretty bad. Carmelo is the only player on their team that myself respects but I only respect him because he married a girl named Lala which is like the easiest thing ever to spell. L-a-l-a. Just think of where the Lakers play, and say it twice. So simple. My girl's name is Savannah which is super hard to spell, yo. Like is there two N's? Two V's? Do you pronounce the H? The dude at Starbucks spelled it J-E-N-N-I-F-E-R (is that how you spell it? I'll have Shane check) and he gave her an apple cider instead of the chai tea that she had ordered. What an idiot. Some people, man.
The series was good though. All of our games were on national TV. I don't know why they waited until the playoffs to start showing every one of our games on national. Do they not know that everybody wants to watch what I do all the time? They better do some research on their audience because everyone that I talk to (myself, every guy on the team except Chris, and my wife Jennifer [I think the guy at Starbucks actually had it right]) says that they love me and can't get enough of me. So ESPN and TNT, give the people (myself included) what they want... ME!!
A lot of people might be wondering why I am on a plane heading back to New York right now. To those people, I say, "Thanks for thinking about me. I was just doing the same thing." The reason is, even though we won't have to play the Knicks in New York again, I wanted to go back there to this restaurant that is only located in the New York area. I won't give away the name of the place (it has something to do with a nickname of mine) but they have the best burgers and fries, yo. Ok, I'll be a nice guy and tell you the name of the restaurant. It's 'Burger King' and man is it bomb!! Next time you are in the New York area, make sure you hit it up.
Don't want to forget to give a shout out to Joel "Hot Poutine" Anthony for transcribing all of this. The pilot just said that we are going to land soon but I told him to shut up and focus on flying the plane so I have more time to write this diary. I better go though because I still have to change clothes and bite every single one of my nails (including toes) before we get off of the plane.
Can't wait for our next series against the India Pacers!!
-King
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts:
Sup fam. King here. We just lost a tough one to Boston 78-66. D, Chris, and myself all sat out. D has a booboo on his finger, Chris sat out because of a death in the family even though I was like 'Dude, the dinosaurs died like hundreds of years ago!!' I said that because I think he looks like a dinosaur. The background on my iPhone is a picture of myself, but I have this app that lets you take pictures of someone and then it changes the picture to make them look like a dinosaur but every time I snap a pic of Chris, it doesn't change the picture at all because it thinks he already looks like a dinosaur! LOL, that's funny man. Way to go Steve Jobs, great app, great phone.
And myself sat out of the game because I have always wanted to sit and watch some guys play against each other then give a thumbs up or thumbs down like a Roman emperor. I definitely would have given us a thumbs down tonight but it's not fair to judge them because myself wasn't playing. If myself had played then it would have been a definite thumbs up. You don't even know but I'm giving myself a thumbs up right now just for saying all this cool stuff. Another big time shouts out to Joel "The Montreal Monster" Anthony for transcribing all of this.
Back to the game... We only scored 66 points but there are some positives. For one, I got a high score in Angry Birds three times in the first half! Another cool thing was that my former teammate Sasha Pavlovic scored 16 points. After the game I said to him "Man, why didn't you ever do that when we was in Cleveland!?" He was all like "Do you even know my name?" And myself was like "Whatever, dude, this is a basketball game, not a pop quiz." Some people, yo. I was all happy for a little because I finally got to do the Roman emperor thing but that really brought me down.
To make things worse I saw Gabrielle outside of the locker room after the game. We had this exchange:
Me: "What are you doing here?"
Her: "Waiting for D, what do you think I am doing here?"
Me: "Being stupid." (By the way, I thought this was a hella funny thing to say)
Her: "Whatever. Is Dwyane coming out soon?"
Me: "I hope he does..."
Her: "What did you just say?"
Me: "Nothing... Hey myself can give him a ride home tonight. It's probably easier for everyone if he just crashes at my place tonight."
Her: "D and I have dinner plans so I think he will come with me."
At that point I was getting real sick of her so I hopped on the back of Haslem so he could give myself a piggy-back ride to my car. I checked my texts on the ride there. D texted me like 17 times during the game. LOL. Chris texted me too. Like three times. Delete, delete, delete!! I text D back and tell him to make Gabrielle pay for dinner. He texts back: "Aight." I text back: "Cool."
I finally get to my car and put in my favorite CD. It is a mix I put together of my favorite Coldplay songs. I respect Coldplay so much because he is from London but plays so many different instruments and is successful here in America where we eat different foods and speak a different language. Mad props to him.
Myself gets home and the Coldplay has got me feeling sad again. I get into bed and D texts me "Gabrielle just spilled alfredo on her black dress! LOL" I write back "I'm surprised it missed her big mouth! LOL!! Love you, yo." But myself deletes the last part before I send it because I don't want Gabrielle to look at D's phone and think that I was referring to her.
I look at our team stats for the season and see that myself still leads the team in, like, EVERYTHING so that makes me happy and now I can fall asleep.
--King
Sup fam. King here. We just lost a tough one to Boston 78-66. D, Chris, and myself all sat out. D has a booboo on his finger, Chris sat out because of a death in the family even though I was like 'Dude, the dinosaurs died like hundreds of years ago!!' I said that because I think he looks like a dinosaur. The background on my iPhone is a picture of myself, but I have this app that lets you take pictures of someone and then it changes the picture to make them look like a dinosaur but every time I snap a pic of Chris, it doesn't change the picture at all because it thinks he already looks like a dinosaur! LOL, that's funny man. Way to go Steve Jobs, great app, great phone.
And myself sat out of the game because I have always wanted to sit and watch some guys play against each other then give a thumbs up or thumbs down like a Roman emperor. I definitely would have given us a thumbs down tonight but it's not fair to judge them because myself wasn't playing. If myself had played then it would have been a definite thumbs up. You don't even know but I'm giving myself a thumbs up right now just for saying all this cool stuff. Another big time shouts out to Joel "The Montreal Monster" Anthony for transcribing all of this.
Back to the game... We only scored 66 points but there are some positives. For one, I got a high score in Angry Birds three times in the first half! Another cool thing was that my former teammate Sasha Pavlovic scored 16 points. After the game I said to him "Man, why didn't you ever do that when we was in Cleveland!?" He was all like "Do you even know my name?" And myself was like "Whatever, dude, this is a basketball game, not a pop quiz." Some people, yo. I was all happy for a little because I finally got to do the Roman emperor thing but that really brought me down.
To make things worse I saw Gabrielle outside of the locker room after the game. We had this exchange:
Me: "What are you doing here?"
Her: "Waiting for D, what do you think I am doing here?"
Me: "Being stupid." (By the way, I thought this was a hella funny thing to say)
Her: "Whatever. Is Dwyane coming out soon?"
Me: "I hope he does..."
Her: "What did you just say?"
Me: "Nothing... Hey myself can give him a ride home tonight. It's probably easier for everyone if he just crashes at my place tonight."
Her: "D and I have dinner plans so I think he will come with me."
At that point I was getting real sick of her so I hopped on the back of Haslem so he could give myself a piggy-back ride to my car. I checked my texts on the ride there. D texted me like 17 times during the game. LOL. Chris texted me too. Like three times. Delete, delete, delete!! I text D back and tell him to make Gabrielle pay for dinner. He texts back: "Aight." I text back: "Cool."
I finally get to my car and put in my favorite CD. It is a mix I put together of my favorite Coldplay songs. I respect Coldplay so much because he is from London but plays so many different instruments and is successful here in America where we eat different foods and speak a different language. Mad props to him.
Myself gets home and the Coldplay has got me feeling sad again. I get into bed and D texts me "Gabrielle just spilled alfredo on her black dress! LOL" I write back "I'm surprised it missed her big mouth! LOL!! Love you, yo." But myself deletes the last part before I send it because I don't want Gabrielle to look at D's phone and think that I was referring to her.
I look at our team stats for the season and see that myself still leads the team in, like, EVERYTHING so that makes me happy and now I can fall asleep.
--King
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Everyone needs to talk about their feelings, even LeBron James. That is why he keeps a personal diary. LeBron was kind enough to let us read some excerpts:
What up y'all. King here. Well, sort of. Guess this would be a good time to give shouts out to Joel "Canadian Chocolate" Anthony for transcribing everything I say. I have him do it because I don't know how to use a real keyboard. The only kind of typing I do is on my iPhone but D-Wade texts me so much I can't finish a sentence without getting interrupted by one of his stupid "Forward this to 10 people or the ghost of Marlon Brando will make you an offer you can't refuse!!" kind of texts. I text him back saying "Marlon is still alive, yo. That was just in the movie that he died you dummy!! LOL! --LBJ".
Damn he just texted me again. Wants to know if I want to go see "Think Like A Man" with him this weekend. I say yes because I believe that everybody on the Earth could learn something by putting themselves in another person's shoes and that would make the world a better place. This movie could change the world, yo.
After doing a little research, I mean, having Shane Google the movie, it turns out that it is a comedy with Kevin Hart (hands down the best stand-up comedian of all-time!!) and some guy that looks like a skinny Turtle from Entourage. Man if that actually is Turtle, I wonder what diet he went on. Eddy Curry's fat ass needs to go on a diet. Big Ed keeps telling me that he actually is on the South Beach diet but I don't see him losing any weight. He says "Dude, I live in South Beach. That means I'm on the South Beach diet." I try to tell him that it doesn't work like that (which I am not totally positive of either. Does it work like that? Like if you move to a city and the city is named 'Atkins' does that mean you are on the Atkins diet because you only eat food from a place called 'Atkins'? I'll have to have Shane Google this) but then he tells me that he has been trying really hard to lose weight but can't because of his genetics. His last name is Curry so I guess that makes sense. Good point, Big Ed.
I'll meet up with D later to go see the movie but I hope he doesn't bring Gabrielle with. Ugh, dude, I hate her! She always gets all awkward when D and I share a popcorn and use the same straw for the soda. I wish it could be just me and D, just like how we run our offense.
Now that I think about it, I don't like going to movies with D either. We can never decide on the same kind of candy. I like M&M's because the letters in M&M's, M and M, remind me of the two most important things in life: me and myself.
D always gets a box of Buncha Crunch and every time he eats one says "It's Crunch Time, baby!!" right in my ear. Damn do I hate crunch time. I mean, only when D says it to me. Crunch time of games I'm cool with. We're good. Yeah... We're good.
--King
What up y'all. King here. Well, sort of. Guess this would be a good time to give shouts out to Joel "Canadian Chocolate" Anthony for transcribing everything I say. I have him do it because I don't know how to use a real keyboard. The only kind of typing I do is on my iPhone but D-Wade texts me so much I can't finish a sentence without getting interrupted by one of his stupid "Forward this to 10 people or the ghost of Marlon Brando will make you an offer you can't refuse!!" kind of texts. I text him back saying "Marlon is still alive, yo. That was just in the movie that he died you dummy!! LOL! --LBJ".
Damn he just texted me again. Wants to know if I want to go see "Think Like A Man" with him this weekend. I say yes because I believe that everybody on the Earth could learn something by putting themselves in another person's shoes and that would make the world a better place. This movie could change the world, yo.
After doing a little research, I mean, having Shane Google the movie, it turns out that it is a comedy with Kevin Hart (hands down the best stand-up comedian of all-time!!) and some guy that looks like a skinny Turtle from Entourage. Man if that actually is Turtle, I wonder what diet he went on. Eddy Curry's fat ass needs to go on a diet. Big Ed keeps telling me that he actually is on the South Beach diet but I don't see him losing any weight. He says "Dude, I live in South Beach. That means I'm on the South Beach diet." I try to tell him that it doesn't work like that (which I am not totally positive of either. Does it work like that? Like if you move to a city and the city is named 'Atkins' does that mean you are on the Atkins diet because you only eat food from a place called 'Atkins'? I'll have to have Shane Google this) but then he tells me that he has been trying really hard to lose weight but can't because of his genetics. His last name is Curry so I guess that makes sense. Good point, Big Ed.
I'll meet up with D later to go see the movie but I hope he doesn't bring Gabrielle with. Ugh, dude, I hate her! She always gets all awkward when D and I share a popcorn and use the same straw for the soda. I wish it could be just me and D, just like how we run our offense.
Now that I think about it, I don't like going to movies with D either. We can never decide on the same kind of candy. I like M&M's because the letters in M&M's, M and M, remind me of the two most important things in life: me and myself.
D always gets a box of Buncha Crunch and every time he eats one says "It's Crunch Time, baby!!" right in my ear. Damn do I hate crunch time. I mean, only when D says it to me. Crunch time of games I'm cool with. We're good. Yeah... We're good.
--King
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